The smell, the ritual, the buzz. Coffee is a sensuous and delicious substance. But my relationship to it is complex, for my own bodylife and on behalf of all the clients I work with who are trying to conceive.
I first want to name the straightforward hormonal problem at hand: Caffeine is known to disrupt the delicate orchestra of hormones in our bodies, from insulin to estrogen to cortisol. Obviously these are chemicals that we want in balance if we are trying to optimize fertility. For that reason alone, if you’re suffering from poor sleep, high stress, PMS symptoms, and difficulty conceiving, it’s low hanging fruit to drop the morning cappuccino.
But I want to spin some ideas about the energetics of coffee and the role it plays in upholding some of the most toxic characteristics of our modern world, speaking from my own experience of using this substance pretty consistently from age 16 or so.
I’m on and off the coffee wagon several times a year. I’m one of those people who gets awful headaches when I drop it (something I learned at a young age and probably should have taken as a sign of my body’s high sensitivity). The headaches are one thing, but in the last several years, specifically working independently for myself, I’ve noticed that when I skip coffee, I simply become less productive. On days when I have a laundry list of administrative or intellectually demanding work, like updating my website, writing a newsletter like this, or planning service changes, I’ll specifically go to a coffee shop and pick up a drink that I know will turn me up a few notches, make my day a bit more sparkly, and most importantly, fuel the work I feel I have to get done.
I know Im not the only one. How many of us have filled up our mug in preparation for cranking out a presentation or hopping on a meeting?
Coffee is ubiquitous in our society for a reason. It is actual fuel for productivity. It’s the stimulant that capitalism NEEDS to keep us ‘functioning’ (read: ‘producing’) at higher rates than we might physiologically be able to without the drug. It masks our bodies’ cries for sleep, rest, space, and emptiness.
But what would it be like if we had different expectations of ourselves? What if we allowed a month for that presentation or that newsletter to grow and unfold from our physiological energies and creativity, rather than busting it out in a two-hour, intoxicated, manic cram session? What if we sought creativity from a place of stillness and quiet, rather than high heart rate and buzz? Preconception, pregnancy, and postpartum are all bodylife experiences that are distinctly out-of-step with the pace and pressures of modern work life, and also those that are highly creative. Yes, our bodies are strong, resilient beings and can cultivate life under highly stressful circumstances, but those circumstances don’t support thriving and flourishing. The buzz and grind keeps us out-of-body, in ‘doing’ mode, not ‘being’ mode.
Right now, I’m working on a Wild Conception Workbook, which will offer thought food, prompts, and exercises to help us grapple with fertility and family planning in late stage capitalism and climate chaos. I offer small ways to reclaim slowness and come back to your body, purpose, and community. Quitting coffee isn’t one of the challenges I pose in the workbook, but it is a challenge I’m taking myself AS I generate this work, and it’s one that I will propose here. I don’t want my words about resisting capitalism for fertility to be written under the influence of capitalism’s greatest ally. Quitting coffee is a small rebellion against capitalism and the grind. Maybe this workbook will take longer than I initially hoped it might, maybe some days I won’t feel motivation to sit down at my laptop and write. I will try to be okay with that and recognize the slowness as a good thing.
My creativity does not rely on a stimulant, it flows from the earth and from my soul.
I don’t need a stimulant to WORK. If I’m in alignment with my ecological purpose, I do my work at a level and pace that serves me and others.
I receive energy, rhythm, and motivation through sleep, sun, deep nutrition, and relationship